Fear or Failure

I feel like if I don’t write this post every now and then, I certainly think about it.

This week is GDC and while I don’t consider myself at a position to be there yet it’s still one of those emotionally/psychologically impacting things.  I see people whose work I admire and aspire to heading off and it on the one hand gives me something to aim towards, but also measure myself against.

Furthermore, last week I went back to my former place of work.  It’s on decent conditions (part-time, flexible) and a different role from what I was doing before, but the ‘it wasn’t supposed to pan out like this’ line is running through my head at all times.  Only ended up being there for two days in the end last week (illness, natch) but I’m dreading bumping in to people, having the same conversation over and over again.  It’s going to be tough.

I’m not good at celebrating my own achievements, which isn’t helped when I feel like I’m not making any.

I’m participating in Resist Jam next week which should hopefully be rewarding.

Ultimately I’m leaning more and more towards leaving the country after this six month contract.  I think I’m too comfortable, too safe.  Maybe I need to shake things up.

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