I’m not very good at updating this am I?

I think it’s safe to say if this blog was a plant it would be dead by now. I’m just no good at remembering to keep this updated.

Thankfully its not because I’ve not been doing anything. Conversely I’ve been doing more this year than I have in a long time, it’s just with two jobs, writing elsewhere and trying to learn a language has left me with precious free time.

Earlier this year I completed a short course in writing for video games and it made me realise that it was the creative route I wanted to take. I’d been working on the programming side for a while but I knew it was never going to be what I wanted to do, but accepted it was something I had to at least do a bit of to release anything. Perhaps it distracted me too much.

In hindsight it makes sense. At uni I did scriptwriting classes and I’ve always intended to write lots of stuff down (and have several drafts of different things), I just need to become more focused about actually following through.

The class helped revive my interest in a project I’d been working on with friends but it had died down a bit (in part because everyone was doing it in their spare time). I went back and re-wrote parts of the script and re-analysed the overall story and I think really helped tighten it. Hopefully it will lead to something!

Fear or Failure

I feel like if I don’t write this post every now and then, I certainly think about it.

This week is GDC and while I don’t consider myself at a position to be there yet it’s still one of those emotionally/psychologically impacting things.  I see people whose work I admire and aspire to heading off and it on the one hand gives me something to aim towards, but also measure myself against.

Furthermore, last week I went back to my former place of work.  It’s on decent conditions (part-time, flexible) and a different role from what I was doing before, but the ‘it wasn’t supposed to pan out like this’ line is running through my head at all times.  Only ended up being there for two days in the end last week (illness, natch) but I’m dreading bumping in to people, having the same conversation over and over again.  It’s going to be tough.

I’m not good at celebrating my own achievements, which isn’t helped when I feel like I’m not making any.

I’m participating in Resist Jam next week which should hopefully be rewarding.

Ultimately I’m leaning more and more towards leaving the country after this six month contract.  I think I’m too comfortable, too safe.  Maybe I need to shake things up.

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